I’m a fairly short girl with a knack for dating men at least a foot taller than me . As one would imagine, my tall girlfriends hate me for this. While I saunter off with giants, forced to wear heels and strain my neck (oh the hardship), my tall friends settle for slouching and flats. But, at least they get commitment.

When I shop for men, I tend to sort by height. I like to know just how much man I’m going to get (you perverts, that’s not what I mean). So when I J Date or, more lately, OK Date, I often end up being the one at the bottom of the seesaw. Girls like tall guys. What girl, no matter her height, actually seeks out a short man (apologies to my average height male friends)? But to those dudes, when you find a girl who likes you despite your shortcomings (pun intended), you know you’ve got something real. While tall men will continue to sex up as many ladies as their height will get them, which by my count is a lot, they figure they can wait to settle down. They can get the model, the actress, their neighbor from across the street that their parents have been telling them to marry since before they hit puberty, the waitress that winks at them every morning when they order their coffee. They will take whoever they want, and take down as many naive girls regardless of height in the process.

So, as a short girl (no, I don’t call myself teeny - that’s just weird and untrue), I’m learning maybe I should settle for dating men closer to my height. Let the self- pity sink in. But, if my tall BFFs can find comfort in someone only 5’8, then why shouldn’t I?

My latest tall encounter was a recovering alcoholic I met at a bar. Does this sound like a joke? He was actually the most normal person there, and I was flattered that he chose to hang out with me all night. I ordered him a water while I replenished my vodka soda. What can I say - I’m a charmer. He seemed like a really decent giant deejay (you have to admit, that’s pretty cool), until he said “Hey, it’s 3 am, I’m going home and you should come with me.” Don’t people have to be drunk to have the balls to say that?? I said no, but that I enjoyed talking to him and took his number- his phone was dead as a rock. And after I contemplated the (four word) text to send him the next day for hours (it read ” Hi Rob, It’s Rachel.”  Clever.), he never responded. He had told me to text him! Yes, he clearly has some other issues going on and maybe can’t really get involved (something about steps or something), but then be up front about it or don’t ask me to come home with you!

A few weeks ago, it was a beautiful 6’5 Viennese filmmaker. Beautiful. Heartthrob, even. And we really hit it off. He was an OKC, so our decision to go on a date wasn’t based on physical chemistry, but rather the wittiness our dating profiles possessed. He chose a great cocktail lounge by my apartment and the night slipped away as we enjoyed drink after drink. He asked to walk me home (swoon) and we made out in front of my building for probably 10 minutes. Hope my neighbors saw! I had to stand two steps above him, in heels mind you, and still had to pull off my best giraffe impression. And what do you know, he wants to come up and I say no. What is with these men? Eventually our lips parted ways, and he totalllly stalked me the next day. We became facebook buds and then he started gchatting me, just shooting the breeze like we were longtime pals. I was a little freaked out, but I went with it, because, after all, he is gorgeous, Viennese, and a filmmaker. Oh, and tall.

He insinuated after our first date that he wanted me to ask him on the second, so I did. I brought a blanket to work so that we could meet up after, split a bottle of wine, and watch a movie in Bryant Park. Did you read that? I brought a blanket to work. How good is that date?! It’s almost like I carried a watermelon.  And I thought to myself, “Self, this is pretty sweet. This tall gorgeous man is into you. Awesome.” And then, it was too good to be true. T-5 hours to showtime, he texts and says “Hey I don’t think I should go tonight. I sort of started seeing someone. I really enjoyed meeting you, timing’s a funny thing.” Cool. So where was this girl 3 days ago?

My tall men sagas could go on and on. There was Mr. Emoto, Le not-so Petit Prince, and the first guy I went on a real date with in college - he referred to himself as Andrew Thunder. Maybe because he was so tall, his head was literally in the clouds? I don’t know, I’m short. Anyway, short guys, I’m holding out my hope for you. Otherwise, the male species has me totally in a fix.

~R

Sleeping with my exes makes me feel grown up. I’ve gotten to the point in my life where not only have I had sex with lovers consistently, but I’ve ended those relationships, had men in between, and then had spontaneous sex with a past partner. Wow - I’m really making it in my love life. It seems that rather than being a summer of flings for me, this has been a summer of kissing boys in bars and sleeping with past lovers. Since the lovers are more interesting, I’ll stick to that tonight.

I saw Croc Lounge on Thursday night. We haven’t spoken in over 2 years (please see previous post). He contacted me about a week ago. I didn’t have his number in my phone, but I knew it was him. “Hey dude, are you still in NYC?”. I pretended not to know who it was… and turns out after some witty banter that he moved and is back in town for a few weeks. And he wanted to meet me for a drink. I said sure. So we met up on Thursday -  his first night in town. I’ll pretend I didn’t read too much into that. After some miscommunication as to where we were meeting, we ended up at 7B, a total dive and a hilarious place to meet him after not speaking for so long. He had my drink ready for me when I got there and we sat at a booth. When imagining seeing him again, I expected him to be a changed man. But he was exactly the same. Same ADD, same avoidance of job talk, same talking to everyone in the bar, same “tell me a poem; tell me a joke”, same “tell me something interesting”, same stealing a kiss from me every few minutes at the bar, same looking deep into my eyes yet not making me uncomfortable, It was as though nothing had happened in the past two years. We were right back in the same place.

We moved on to two other bars after the first and I began to feel more comfortable being with him. As much of a pretentious jerk as he can be, there’s something about him, or maybe something about us - not that there really is an “us.” Something about Croc Lounge makes me feel the urge to do more, to learn more; not to be like his IV league self, but just to move beyond the banality of 9-5 life. At one point he pulled some spiritual introspection on me, saying that based on my answers (oversized emerald dice, coffee colored horse running around in a fenced in area, and a ladder leaning against a large olive tree), I’m confident, will have a lover that doesn’t run away (I don’t believe that) and that I see my life going in the right direction and being successful. I think he may have just been trying to make me feel good about myself.

We eventually tired of PDA and drinking, and so we sauntered to my apartment. We stood outside for a few minutes, and he asked to come up (to charge his phone - ha!), and so I let him and we fell into another familiar pattern. He left with me the next morning and the goodbye felt sort of like a “maybe I’ll see you again, but this was fine as a momentary step backwards, let’s get back to the real world” ending and I’m perfectly fine with that. Obviously I’m thinking more about him now, and I would like to see him again, but I don’t need to, and perhaps it was the closure I never got the first time around.

Kickball Joe on the other hand, well that step back in time was a disaster for me. After things ended in a continuum of hurt feelings and disappointment last October, he reached out to me in February saying he wanted to mend burnt bridges. And, I suppose as I always do, I let him. We met for a drink at Drop Off Service and we talked about what had happened between us and all the ways we had screwed things up. He said a lot of emotional things that frankly he should have kept to himself. He came over, we had a really nice time together and it seemed like he wanted to continue hanging out. And then he never tried again. I sort of got over it, despite all of the feelings that he had stirred up in me again. And then when kickball started up again in the Spring, and I had to see him every week, I dealt with it. We were friendly, and that was it. And then… one night, he was much more flirtatious, we were much more flirtatious, and he approached me and said he wanted to come home with me, but that he didn’t want his teammates to know. In my drunk thoughts, this was exciting and secretive; in reality it was immature, pointless, manipulative and offensive. Well, he came over and I got the courage to bring up what he had said in February and to share my own feelings as well, finally. Without using many words, he practically took back what he had said. The rest of the night was fine, regardless. I tried not to think about it and managed to enjoy his company. And then the next week he was the same exact asshole he had been last year - ignoring me at the bar, flirting with other people in front of me, pretending that our intimate moments were non-existent. It finally became clear to me how selfish he really is.

I think the difference between the Croc Lounge and Kball Joe situations is that there were more feelings involved with Kball. He expressed things to me that nobody ever had before. There were some firsts with Croc Lounge as well, but not on the same emotional level, which made sleeping with him again much easier to handle. It’s harder to get hurt when you don’t let your feelings get in the way.

~R

to text or call?  that’s my stupid question today.

all day i’ve been thinking about this.  which is better?  does it really matter even?  after watching 4 episodes of SATC this evening, i’ve realized that carrie/samantha/miranda/charlotte never texted.  obviously not.  it was the early 2000s or something.  they couldn’t text.  they HAD to call.  no other options really.  honestly, i can’t even think of dating with out texts.

if a guy calls me, it feels like this grand gesture.  i’ll say to my friends, “he called.  that’s nice, right?”  and of course they’ll answer with, “that’s so NICE.”  what was once normalcy is now almost novelty.  when did that happen??

well, i decided to call. he seemed comfortable enough to call me, so why wouldn’t i call him.  and really, it was just a phone call.  no biggie.  and it kind of felt like an NB but then of course there’s the agony of waiting.  i suppose waiting is a whole other post. 

he didn’t answer but he did call back. 

-d

I was recently described by someone I went on a going-nowhere date as “sweet and pleasant.” It was an online man and we decided to go for drinks outside at the Lot, a new beer garden underneath the second phase of the Highline. I was half an hour late, which never happens (I do generally try to be between 5 and 10 mins late though), and I felt terrible. He was totally chill about it, which was nice. And when I got there, conversation flowed pretty smoothly, but I just wasn’t really feeling it. I was disappointed - it’s frustrating when you can converse with a total stranger and make jokes, but just have no chemistry. It started pouring toward the end of our date, which could have been a really romantic opportunity to kiss (maybe?), but it just wasn’t going to happen. So we parted ways at the subway station, and haphazardly hugged. I was hoping he felt the same way as I did, so there wouldn’t have to be an awkward conversation about things not working out.

Well, the next day, I got this message from him:

Hey, hope you had fun yesterday… or at least got a couple of chuckles. Personally I didn’t feel the kind of click that I believe there should be, but you were very sweet and pleasant.
I’m not sure if the next part is rude or not, but in the sake of looking for “love” my sister works for someone whom throws events, and they are having an event in the city on the 16th (next week), a singles event. The catch, whomever comes has to come with someone of the opposite sex. If your interested in going with me, we could be each others wingman/wingwoman and have a couple of drinks and maybe meet some new folk. She would get us both in for free.
Lemme know what you think.
ttyl

Aside from his terrible usage of “whom” and “whomever” (sorry, I’m a bit of a grammer nazi), WHY WOULD I GO WITH HIM?! I understand the point of these things - bring someone you’re not interested in to make sure there’s an even amount of guys and girls to mingle… but why would I go with HIM?! We went on one date, it didn’t work out, and that’s that! I certainly don’t know him well enough to pawn him off onto other single chicks. The situation just screamed awkward to me, and I respectfully declined.

But sweet and pleasant? I feel like he was describing the iced tea he was drinking, not me! I mean ok, maybe I am sweet, and maybe I am pleasant company, and maybe he’s just unabashedly honest, but being called sweet and pleasant feels just a tad demeaning to me. Hmph!

~R

He’s not really a doctor, but he is always in. He’s been in since Halloween. Somehow I’ve found myself in another hook-up-ship, with no clear boundaries. It’s fun, and since I’m not sure how I feel about the doc, it’s not a terrible situation. And then I left my bracelet at his place. And now I’m wondering what kind of message I’m accidentally sending him…

After we first met at a Halloween party, we went on a few dates. It was fun. But even on the first date, he tried to get me to come home with him. I didn’t go. Our second date happened at his place… he said we should watch a movie and have wine. It was a Sunday night, I was on my way back from a weekend away, and despite my hesitations (I mean, it was obvious what he was trying to get at), it sounded like the ideal activity. In the middle of the movie, he suggested we move to his bedroom - might be more comfortable. I said no. YES SELF CONTROL. Anyway, movie ended and I went home.  After that, he tried for a few late night weekend meet-ups, but that wasn’t really what I wanted. And then I ran into him at a friend’s birthday. Completely random that we were in the same annoying SoHo lounge (I would never have gone there on my own steam). Details, details and I woke up at his place.

Since then, we’ve been sporadically texting, meeting each other out (or sometimes not) and hooking up. And then I FORGOT my bracelet while leaving this Sunday morning. I asked him to look for it, he said he found it, I sent a cute reply - “Please don’t throw it out!” - and all I got back was “ok sure.” Either he doesn’t have a sense of humor, couldn’t tell I was TRYING to be cute, or he thinks I did it on purpose and was looking for an excuse to get back in his bed. I didn’t actually think he would throw it out, and I would never purposely leave a piece of jewelry, especially when I know it’s just a hook up and it’s very possible it can happen again if I want it to. Couldn’t he have just made me feel better about plausibly looking attached and acknowledge my joke?!

So now I have to wait for him to call me in for a check-up (I’m trying…), even though I really want my bracelet back!

Argh…

~R

what guy in their right mind would say that to a girl on a first date????  “here’s a $20, get what you want…” umm, ok, really?  nice to meet you too, weirdo.

i guess i’ll give a little intro.  i’ve recently gone back on the J and have been going on a decent amount of dates.  mostly bad, a few good. 

this one falls into the bad category.  i was going out with this guy who goes to nylaw and went to penn state before then.  he seemed nice enough and cuteish.  he was a normal height and his body style was “athletic/fit”.  (i always look at what it says for body style.  R thinks thats weird but i’m all about it) i figured, how bad could this be?  at least he’s kind of attractive and can carry a conversation. 

he suggested meeting up at grey dog cafe.  i was pretty impressed with his choice.  it’s a low key spot and i’ve heard it’s perfect for dates.  he texted me and said he was sitting right in front of the door so i wouldn’t miss him.  ok, great.  i hate that feeling when you walk in to meet some guy and you have NO idea which one he could be.  anyway, i spotted him.  he was sitting at a table for 2 with his headphones in listening to his ipod/iphone.  eh.  i go over and he stays seated and took his headphones out.  we did the normal “hi, how are you” blah blah blah.  next thing i know, he slides a $20 bill out on the table and says “here’s a $20, get what you want”.  i realize this is the THIRD time i’m typing that sentence.  but really, are you serious?! did you actually just tell me to get what i want???  i don’t expect too much from a guy on a date.  really, i don’t.  any form of chivalry (and i’m talking basic things like, holding the door open) are almost always a surprise to me.  did i mention this was all said before i even got my scarf off and sat down?! (keep in mind, this was a very cold winter day and i was taking off layers)

i went to the bar to get my drink with his money.  it felt weird.  and i remember thinking about how this doesn’t seem normal.  i almost felt like some kind of hooker.  not that i had done anything hooker-esque but it felt weird that he just forked over his money to me so i could get some beer and hopefully get enough of a buzz that this date just fades out of my memory.

the date didn’t get much better or that much worse after i got my beer.  he was just a standard and dull guy.  he talked about how much he LOVED some philly’s team and he also loveddd israel. blah boring, nice blue bracelet. 

O! he also admitted to liking high school musical AND purchasing the DVD for himself.  ummmmmm, WHAT?! i told him i watched high school musical about 25 times one summer i babysat for an adorable 6 year old girl.  then he told me he’s seen it too and BOUGHT the DVD.  at this point, i couldn’t hold back making fun of him a bit.  i was also a little concerned to how old he actually was.  i got nervous that he lied about his age and was actually IN high school when that movie came out.  this proceeded with him telling me he was 23…no, 24….no,25…actually 26. OK, THIS ISN’T FUNNY OR CUTE, JUST TELL ME HOW OLD YOU REALLY ARE.

25

the date ended with him saying he was having a good time but that he was really cold (good thing it really was cold or else that would seem like a lame excuse…) and should get going.  fine with me.

we hugged and he told me to text him if i ever wanted to go out again. 

i didn’t text. obvi

d

This conversation with face boy is self-explanatory. However, I’ve added in my comments for my own (and maybe yours too) amusement. Enjoy below.

 faceboy: i know talking to me must want to make u do something drastic

  me: ?  

[like slam my head against the wall?]   

faceboy: i dunno, i feel like u hate talking to me  

me: i dont hate talking to you i get busy at work [why would I hate talking to you? your ridiculous attempts to hang out serve as amusement to all my friends at work]

faceboy: haha i dont just mean at work, but i got u [you got me? really?]
  not hate necessarily, just skeptical [ie faceboy has just had an epiphany. when I refuse to hang out with him every single time he asks, I may be skeptical about hanging out with him…]
    anyway, no big deal
me: i am skeptical  
faceboy: :( [oh no, NOT THE EMOTICONS!!!!]
 u make me sound evil
me: i dont think youre evil [I think you’re a little pathetic though.]
  
faceboy: haha, well thanks ur just uncomfortable hanging out [once again, faceboy’s revelations are remarkable]

me: i just cant really read you  im not uncomfortable  
faceboy: haha, im an open book  written in english! [written in penis]
  
me: i just want to make sure were on the same page  
faceboy: im on pg 37  u
me: i finished the book [ gosh I’m witty]
  
faceboy: haha i dont know if that was meant as an insult
me: haha no [ read: haha yes]
  
faceboy: well what are your thoughts tho  
me: thats what i mean - i thought [KNOW] we already had this conversation  
faceboy: we probably did  
me: …  ?  
faceboy: i have memory lapses [that’s what you’re calling it?]
  
me: so what do you remember  
faceboy: that if we hang out you only want to do so in public

does that seem accurate  

me: yes [plus that time I told you I’m not interested in being anything more than friends with you, which was apparently included in your memory lapse]
  
faceboy: i think im a little more trustworthy than that but i suppose not

 anyway [please, just stop]

 me: it has nothing to do with being trustworthy  
faceboy: ok…
me: i just want it to be clear that we’re friends [can I possibly make it any clearer?!]
  
faceboy: oh im not the best with the “transition to friends” phase [ I think I must be having a memory lapse now, because the last time I remember anything happening was July. JULY! this is a transitional period for you??]

me: what do you mean? [seriously… WHAT DO YOU MEAN?]
  
faceboy: going from something more to just friends [well, thanks for the clarification]

u know what im saying
me: yeah  
faceboy: ok guess i got nothin else 
me: i like hanging out with you, and if you want to hang out as friends that’s fine, i just dont want you to think theres something more 
faceboy: hm….ok
 interesante [oo, I’m starting to change my mind. Using Spanish words is a turn on]

well thats fine. but if u ever change ur mind, let me know haha [and I’m changing my mind right back. nope]
 
me: so then you dont want to be friends?
faceboy: no i can do that  im just opne to more haha [well, at the rate your going, your approach is totally wrong, and it’s not gonna happen. the whole desperation attempt doesn’t make anyone want to jump into your arms]

~R

Whiskey Boy made a reappearance in my life a few weeks ago. He texted me (unbeknownst to him it was my birthday) and asked to meet for happy hour the next week. True to my mantra, I thought “why not” and we met on a Saturday night for beers. I walked into the bar around 8. It was practically empty, yet I couldn’t find him. Then I realized - he’s the man sitting at the bar with a full grown beard. Is that what he had been doing in the past 8 months while he wasn’t seeing me? Was he waiting to contact me for his facial hair to reach an inch off his face? I took a deep breath and a seat next to him.

The date went well. We had a few drinks, and moved on to a bar across the street for a few more. It was fun. We kissed a little. I couldn’t stop thinking about his beard though. I hate feeling superficial, but it was a huge turn off. Unless you’re going to rabbinical school or entering the witness protection program, why would you grow a thing like that if you’re trying to attract girls?

Anyway, a few hours later I left to meet up with my friends. He kissed me goodbye on the street corner, and then texted me throughout the night, trying to meet up again. Didn’t happen. The next weekend he texted as well, but I didn’t see him. This past Saturday night, he tried to meet up and after I told him I was in BK for a while, he said I should meet him at Drop Off across the street from my place. I told him it wasn’t gonna work out, but some other time.

His response: Likely not

Me: ?

Him: Now or moves on

So then move on you hairy beast!! I didn’t respond, because I didn’t care, but thinking about it now I should have said “I wasn’t really that into you or your beard anyway.”

~R

i’m not sure how to title this entry.  i thought about it for 2 minutes and then just decided to start writing instead.  well, first of all, the good date i went on with that hairy and cute guy is pretty much out of my mind.  not entirely out of my mind, but i’m just about done with that. it was good for what it was.

so, here’s why i’m writing.  i think the 3 day rule is perfect. that’s all.

Kickball Joe has become a weekly occurrence, somewhat unfortunately. Unfortunate only because it’s amazing for the few hours we spend alone, but before and after I feel totally weird about the situation. So for a few hours of intensity a week, I’m neurotic the rest of the time. 

You may be wondering why Joe ever wanted to talk to me again, following the dumb decision I had made (see previous post). I wonder myself. I confronted him a few weeks ago. I pulled him aside at the bar and told him I wanted to speak to him. I told him I couldn’t stop thinking about him. He stared at me. He said he didn’t expect me to say that, since I had slept with his friend. I confessed how terrible I felt about the situation. How I didn’t eat for days after, how I was too drunk, and how embarrassed I was. He said he wasn’t mad, I could do what I wanted, we weren’t together, we were just having sex. Ouch. But true. Then, I confessed something I still can’t believe I had the guts to. I told him he was the best sex I’ve ever had, and that must mean something. I guess the ice was broken after that. We hung out the rest of the night and he came over after. He came over last Thursday as well, and last night. 

My confession to him was true. We have great sex. I’m starting to worry that that’s it though. Maybe he doesn’t trust me anymore, so he’s deciding to settle for as little as he can get away with (which I suppose I’m allowing to happen), or maybe he’s just going with the flow, which I like to think I’m laid back enough to do as well, but I’m really not. I just can’t help but think about the situation and wish it was more. He’s stopped trying to hang out with me outside of our Thursday kickball games. He doesn’t really text me anymore. But he’s so good for those few hours, it almost feels worth it, at least at the time. When we’re alone, it seems like he cares about me, that he wants me to be happy. He compliments me and makes me feel good about myself. But then he leaves early in the morning and I don’t hear from him for a week.

If one of my friends were in this situation, I’d tell them to be careful and that if they decided to keep sleeping with this guy, to make sure they don’t get attached. Easier said than done. I wish I knew what he was thinking. I wish I could tell him I want more. I wish I was in control of the situation. He makes me nervous because he’s in complete control. I feel a little pathetic sometimes, but then when we’re alone it’s different. I like him and he says he likes me, I just wish he would try to prove it more outside my bedroom.

~R